please. for the love.

so i understand that girls and guys are different. it's impossible to ignore this huge blinking fact that the universe unfolds to me daily. when i'm sad i cry. when boys are sad they do nothing. in fact you can't hardly tell. when girls are mad we get all loud and obnoxious. when boys get mad, they get short and tempered, and maybe try to go hit something. i like to spend an obnoxious amount of time fixing my hair and wasting my money on things like painting my nails. boys spend obscene amounts of money on gadgets and probably singlehandedly support 90% of the gadetry industry.

but one crucial difference i sometimes overlook, or pretend i don't notice is that we pee differently. it's not like i ignore it but it's not something i am aware of or bring to my own attention on a daily basis. boys have penises and we do not. boys stand up when they pee. we sit. they don't use toilet paper. we do. okay okay. but today i came face to face with the understanding of why women and men have separate bathrooms. and why it's something that should never be changed.

it's not only for the sake of decency that we need our own separate bathrooms away from boys but also for the sake of cleanliness. boys when they pee into a toilet tend to miss and end up squirting their piss all over the place. i recognize that what i just said was very vulgar, but it's equally vulgar to walk into a men/women shared bathroom after a man just walked out only to realize his piss is now everywhere. i know that not everyman has the inability to pee without making a mess but in public restrooms you never know what kind of man will be using the toilet before you, and frankly i hate having to use rolls and rolls of toiletpaper to clean up his mess so i won't have to squat down upon it. i mean. sick. absolutely sick.

solution? separate bathrooms. i recognize this is the case most everywhere. but in new york where space is limited and there are often shared restrooms. i think they should make separate bathrooms. it won't even solve the issue if they have one restroom but also place a urinal into the room because frankly i don't want to be looking at a urinal either.

so please. for the love. and so that i won't want to gag everytime i walk into a public restroom.. and for the sake of the environment we'd be saving if i didn't have to waste toilet paper cleaning up after untrained pee-ers. please separate men and women public restrooms. i rest my case.

a still life

the following is transcribed from a notes i scribbled earlier today..

i love days filled with the sense of potential. days where the human heart can sense so intimately the unfailing hope of the human spirit -- the beauty of humanity. some days i can see it when i read a good book (aka kite runner anybody??) or read my friend sean's stories from his trip to Africa, or less dramatically, but equally compelling.. days spent with great friends.

but today i found it in a perfect little coffee shop nestled in the relatively quiet streets of the west village.

if you don't know that i have an obsession with coffee shops, you should, because it's hardly a secret. i can spend hours on end there if the atmosphere is right. and the atmosphere is key in obtaining my unwaivering loyalty. the place has to have good music, the right balance between laid back quiet with the natural hustle and bustle of people, and of course good sustenance.. but clearly that goes without say). one of my slight disappointments with nyc thus far has been the lack of good coffee shops.. or perhaps just because i haven't discovered them yet. anyways, today i left calvin at noon so i could spend the afternoon working on school stuff. i figured it was a day as good as any to seek out this coffee shop named 'esperanto' that my friend cassy had recommended over the summer. the weather was good, and my attitude ideal to go for a little romp in the west village to seek out this unknown coffee shop on an unknown street in a neighborhood i wasn't too familiar with.

and what a little gem i found. not only did it have all the key ingredients to make it a qualifiably a good cafe. it was also a capsule of a part of the beauty of humanity. sitting there i witnessed people at their best state. nobody was rushing anywhere. even if it was for lunch. and even if they were only there for an hour. (no i didn't sit there and time them..)they were just enjoying themselves. enjoying the food. enjoying the conversation of the person sitting across from them. maybe it was the particular magic of a beautiful chilly day in new york, or maybe it was just the nature of this cafe in general, but all around me people just seemed happy, still, and most importantly, at peace. and i loved it.

i think too many times people in general, and me specifically. feel rushed, and are rushed. partially in the small sense that we're busy busy busy, and there's a lot to be done in the seemingly insufficient waking hours we have. but also largely in the bigger picture that we're always rushed to have things figured out, and the next stage in our life planned. (myself being a grade A case of typical life planner.)

i mean come on. we're suppose to go from high school straight to college, attempt to graduate on time, find a job, go to grad school, find a better job, get married somewhere in there, and attempt to raise a family amongst the madness. all the mean while we're suppose to have a clear picture of ourselves. we're suppose to be able to define what we like, what makes us happy, and to be frank i'm not sure people are capable of doing that. i personally find it impossible to figure out both what i want to do, and what i should do. and not only does it seem like no one is offering me the time to take a step back and figure myself out, but if i do have time (like this fortunate mini-semester off), i don't quite know what to do with myself, because i'm just sitting.

is not being able to be still a bad thing? no. is not being able to be still so you can figure out what you enjoy, and be still and enjoy it a bad thing? i think so.

there's a reason why us crazy americans are drawn to the culture of europe, and i think a big part of it is that they aren't always rushing. they seem to have the art of enjoying life down to a pat, and it's definitely not revolved around working, or doing. it's more something along the lines of wine with breakfast, and 3 hour lunches. maybe this wouldn't sit well with the production minded capitalist mentality we have, and will probably never shed, but a minute dose of this medicine wouldn't be so bad either. perhaps there's something to be taken from people that can take a break, and participate in the art of conversation, or simply take in the life of people around them.

all i know is, today, among the busiest people of the busiest cities of the busiest nation, i found stillness, happiness, and contentment. and i was glad i was quiet enough to witness it.

hen and egg

"And so for each of the other characteristics in Leibenstein's list. Inadequate transport facilities are indeed a barrier to growth, but they are also a product of low levels of income and productivity. Inability to hold sufficient stocks to weather a crisis again reflects low productivity and poverty....... A list of common characteristics is instructive and helps us to understand the nature and magnitude of the problem, but it does not spare us the need ot naalyze carefully the causes of underdevelopment. Still less does it indicate policies to overcome it. in an earlier publication I coined the outrageously mixed metaphor, "the road to development is paved with vicious circles." Albert Hirschman has recently added, "Yes, but some circles are more vicious than others." The task of economic analysis of the development problem is to discover which of these vicious circles are the basic causes of the others, which can be more readily broken into, and which can be converted into feedback mechanisms bringing sustained growth."

Economics Development, Benjamin Higgins, 1959.

Simple, profound, unfortunately problematic.

Up for the challenge?

me-diation

it's really early. i am up for two unfortunate reasons. 1. i have an inability to sleep when i've drunk too much, or anything more than a beer to be a matter of fact. 2. my walls are really thin.. and construction workers are working on the building across the street from me. they're like drilling shit or something and it's soooo loud. aren't we as humans guaranteed free unalienable rights? and isn't sleeping in on sunday without loud obstructive noises one of them? i'm suing somebody.

speaking of.. i finally finished my law school apps. i didn't realize how many people have weird prejudices against lawyers. for instance my very indie-intellectual-read old british fiction friend rachel, thinks that when you go to law school to become one such lawyer, you're just made to think the same way and analyze things that specific way. and she simply abhors anything that forces you to think a certain way. however, there is reason to such.. seemingly irrational practice. lawyers mediate problems.. sometimes after they happen (like divorce, murder.. you know) or before they happen.. (like contract law). therefore, like most mediation training, there's a formulative way to go about things. lawyers are taught to 'go about mediating' in a certain way, and are unliked because frankly no body ever likes the mediator.

example. sometimes when i babysit i have to play mediator. right now i'm sitting for two adorable.. sometimes insane children -- ethan and gabrielle. sometimes ethan pinches gabrielle. and then gabrielle slaps him. then me, wonderful mediating babysitter, has to step in to pull the children apart and tell each of them "no". "ethan, stop pinching your sister." "gabby, don't make the situation worse by slapping him." end result?? problem solved, but i am disliked for the moment. for similar reasons, lawyers are disliked because everyone wants to be favored above the other person involved, and lawyers can't do that, because we are fair and just. :) (not withstanding the moral lapse of some people who may be lawyers too).

does this make sense to anybody? my head is spinning. i am going to lay down, construction workers be damned.

a lot of nothing.

i love the maid. our maid came today. i dont know if you know this (you as in either the general reader who has stumbled upon my blog, or you the reader as in a friend) but i hate cleaning for the most part. so needless to say, i love the maid. our apartment smells wonderfully clean. somehow the clothes have been neatly placed where they are suppose to be placed!!! for the most part. i mean how does she know which t-shirts are me or amandas? she does. she isnt' just the maid she's like the fairy God mother. i love her.

i hate hate HATE the L train. i HATE the L train. ok. rephrase. i hate the L train late at night. it never runs, and if it does, it creeps. like litterly it barely chugs along. i swear i could run faster than the train goes and it isn't saying much. so tonight coming home from harlem. (yes i was hangin in the hood.. jk) i took the 1 allll the way down to union square to transfer to the L. i thougth i might just go ahead and walk because normally i'd do that.. but it was really late (1am) and it was cold outside.. and frankly i just didn't want to walk. so instead i decided to take the L which would conveniently deposit me 2 blocks away from my apt. alas.. the train didn't come for 15 minutes, and when it finally did. it was struggling just to move.

worthless.

AND. i've finally decided to give up something for lent. not that i'm giving it up for any religious reason but for the fact that my health is at stake. i am giving up cookies, cake, and any sort of 'dessert' i know. typical. but no seirously. it's not just because i don't want to keep gaining weight because yes i have in the short short time i've been in the city, but for the fact that it CANNOT be healthy to eat like 1/3 of a pan of brownies. i mean.. isn't gluttony a seven deadly sin for a reason? anyways. i'm not giving up carbs or anything gay like that. just dessert. i can do it. and if you try to even tempt me to eat dessert.. i'll kill you.

AND. i'm going home to austin in TWO WEEKS!!! yay. i was actually a bit indecisive on whether or not i wanted to go home.. especially for almost a week. part of my rational was that i hadn't been gone long enough to deserve a 'visit' home.. and the other part was that i have been feeling relatively detached enough that i wasn't sure i wanted to risk reminding myself what i was missing at home... but. screw all that rational. i want to come home.. and i'm glad i get to.

okay. i'm done rambling. amanda's asleep and i really just had to get this out. i mean that's what the internet is for right?

:) right.

digesting.

it's 1:06 new york time, and i should be sleeping. instead. what am i doing? i'm sitting here. semi watching 'the family stone' a mildly entertaining comedy-romance-familydrama-flick, and listening to the depressing tones of death cab emitting from my lap top speakers. and most importantly i'm digesting. i'm digesting the .5 lbs of red velvet cake i have consumed, along with the surely over 1 lb of fish i ate for dinner. okay maybe that is an exaggeration. but not the .5 lbs of red velvet cake. it's funny. not only do i love cake, but i especially love cake when there's a reason for me to be loving cake (aka my birthday) and i tend to express that love by devouring it. i cut my roommates a slice each, of which they ate maybe 3 bites. so on top of my love for birthday-time cake, there was also the necessity of not letting good things go to waste. so i'm sitting here 1:09 am now, digesting. i wish there was something i could do to help this process along. i think my stomach is working as fast as it can but it can only do so much in the face of such a task.

i've brushed my teeth 2 times now. and there's still this grummy feeling on my front teeth.. like all the sugar from that cake is determined to destroy my teeth. i can imagine it like some well crafted disney/pixar animated film. except in the film, the tooth-decaying bacteria are probably the poor microscopic protagonists and my tooth brush is the giant evil nemesis sent out to hunt them down. man i hate disney/pixar. they always have to play devils advocate.

so i'm 22 now. i actually don't mind being 22. there's an air of maturity that is immediately granted to a 22 year old without them doing anything. if you're 21, you're a drunken disorderly child whom is set out to abuse all the legal rights of a 21 year old drinking and gambling your way to hell. but as a 22 year old, you magically transform into a grown up individual about to cross into the real adult world known as "the working world". you are a little more serious minded, and more sensible. whether or not the rest of the world things this, i have no idea, but i do. so therefore i don't mind being 22. it's 23 that i'll dread.

this birthday has been pretty spectacular. it was so different from last year, but it was good. it was the kind of birthday that was perfectly suited for a slightly more serious minded, more sensible, 22 year old. so thank you to everyone who made it great.. the surprises in the mail, the attempts (failed or not) of meeting up with me, all the well wishes.. even mother nature who delivered a mini blizzard on the streets of soho at 3 oclock today.. and of course, especially to my best friend amanda for seeing me cry one minute and dancing like a fool the next. thanks :)

a picture of my cake:


a picture of me and my best friend, who rocks.

fashion blahblah

so regardless of whether or not you are into fashion or not.. there's no way you can live in new york and not know about fashion week. the reason is because pr people at these fashion labels make it a point so that everyone knows what a big deal it is.. even if it might not be a big deal to you.

anyways... so yesterday. day of fashion show. was pretty damn insane. actually the morning wasn't so bad. at least not for myself. but right around 3 oclock, lauryn, whom is the celeb stylist.. aka if fergie wants to wear calvin to the today show (which she did) lauryn dresses her. anyways, lauryn grabs me and says 'rodan you stay behind and dress irina'. they were having a huge dinner later that night whom everyone who was anyone at fashion week was attending. irina is a huge runway model whom is friends with the likes of kate moss, lindsay lohan, lily donaldson.. etc.

i think to myself. a. are you CRAZY???? i can't dress her? i can barely dress myself. no seriously. i've picked out things for fittings but they never let the likes of lowely interns dress people (ie.. i stood outside the door while molly sims was getting fitted) much less ask me to dress someone by myself. needless to say i was exuberant. i had one hour to dress her and then i could go down to the show which started at 4.

i wait. no sign of irina. i wait some more. it's now 3:30. i'm pretty anxious at this point. i didn't wear 3 inch heels and black panty hose just to miss the show. finally i get a call at 3:35 that says irina is outside. i go get her, and i find myself in the presence of someone who is probably 5'9" and 100 lbs. she is TINY. but her personality is awesome. she then preceeds to strip bare naked and let me try on dresses for her. i would feel awkward but she is just way too cool for me to feel awkward. finally we settle on this gorgeous blue floor length gown with amazing detail at the neck and a low sexy v-dip in the back. she grabs her back, gives me a kiss on the cheek, says 'ciao' and tells me she'll see me at dinner that night. i'm thinking 'no you won't' but smile and say definitely anyways.

3:45. i run, freshen up juuuust a tad, and scurry downstairs. i get to the tents only to see that we, the events team at calvin klein, looks like a well drilled army in black. my other intern friend carolina comes back with the coffee that anna wintour MUST have and i tell her i want to see anna so she grabs me and takes me inside with her. we pretend like we're being useful and we have things to do, but really we're just scouring the rows for people to notice. i finally see anna wintour on my left, looking ever so shrewed and emotionless. i walk a bit more and see liv tyler looking ridiculously beautiful to my right in this amazing calvin black silk wrap dress, and sitting next to her is ali larter whom looks exactly like the photos taken of her in magazines. finally the show is about to start and we find a little corner to stand in, and actually can see decent.

so. the show was amazing. francisco costa (whom is now designer at calvin klein) was very unique with his deigns. he did absolutely brilliant. very geometric shapes and strong silhouettes

anyways. the show was incredible. i can't believe i got to watch it. and dress irina. here are some pictures.


irina (left) with agnyss (face of burberry) and lily (right)


irina


ck show :)

just pizza.. right?

so i twisted my ankle saturday night at 3:30 am running to my favorite pizza parlour on 9th and 1st. for some reason i really wanted to eat pizza and the stranger, whose arm i had a hold of, was a lot bigger than me, and thus running faster, and in efforts to keep up in my 3 1/2 inch skinny black heels.. i twisted my left ankle. it hurt. in my semi hazed state, it hurt, so you can imagine the hurt i felt the next morning waking up without the pleasant dullness the alcohol left the previous evening.

rewind.

so amanda and i have really been making more efforts at going out, and saturday night she convinced me we had to go out. it's not that i dont like going out. it's just that no one in new york goes out until 11:30 or even later. so by then.. i'm just really tired and even if i had wanted to go 'out' earlier.. all that enthusiasm usually leaves me. i suppose most people can retain the enthusiasm by going for a nice dinner at 8:30 or so, but i've been feeling quite poor lately so we've been trying to eat at home more.

anyways. we ended up meeting one of my friends at this little bar in tribeca, and after sharing a few laughs and a few drinks, we thought it was time to leave. so we asked our friends if they wanted to go get pizza with us by our apt. which they didn't because at the end of the night no one wants to take a cab anywhere but home. however, amanda asked these two random strangers on our way out. it wasn't even two people we've been eyeing all night, or had been eyeing us.. it was mere well placed timing. they just happened to be there, and we had pizza on the mind.

surprisinglyg. they wanted to come with us. and they did. so the four of us. (and by the way they were really awkward as one can only expect from a total random encounter) and we went ot eat pizza. i guess one of the guys. the guy that had become 'mine' during the $7 duration back to the east village, thought it meant more. he offered to pay for my pizza. which i politely accepted.. unknowing that meant i wanted to invite him back to my place. i understand the buyage of drinks for the possibility of 'hooking up' but a. i had no attraction or desire of any possible hooking up. b. all i had talked about was pizza. and c. who would ever exchange pizza for hooking up?

anyways. no hard feelings. i politely said. 'no we invited you for pizza and nothing more' and stopped responding if either one of the overly ambitious guys tried to talk to us. perhaps we were rude. but pizza is only pizza.

i guess i learned two things that night. NEVER run in shoes you can barely walk in. and don't invite strangers out for pizza.